America feels tense like our step-Dad started on Friday with wine coolers but now it’s Monday morning and he’s passed out with an empty fifth of vodka beside him. You know the whole week is just going to be dealing with his crash out and who knows where it’s going to go this time, is he going to move the speakers outside on the porch again and play Pink Floyd at full volume? Is he and Mom going to get into an altercation again? Wait – he invaded Iran, no, surely he isn’t that insane, he was getting better! Yup, Iran, and he’s thinking of sending in troops, and Mom is trying to cover for him. “Honey if you don’t approve of his invasion you have a deep seated hatred of God’s chosen few!”
I go to my uncle Tiel, but he thinks all humans should be replaced with robots and there is an AI God, he’s strung out on something, Ketamine? Oh, God, seriously….dude….he says we’ll have enough electricity for his beloved data centers if we get rid of 50% of the population and the plan is working.
I went over to Auntie Canada’s house but she’s knitting sweaters for her cats and spending all her time on Blue Sky arguing about intersection.
China is thinking America is going to be back to buy its cheap garbage but step-Dad is running through our money buying Vodka and scratch off tickets.
His clown friend Hegseth has been sitting on the back porch together drinking all day. I don’t like him. He gets Dad into trouble. Anytime Dad has a bad idea his friends encourage him and tell him he’s being brilliant. “Negotiate with bombs!” What a fucking retarded thing to say.
I went over to Japan’s house. Her parents are so nice, they have cool vending machines and they cook dinner instead of frozen blocks of crap. I wish that was my parents.
Sometimes I sit and try to imagine my life where I had real parents instead of juggling other people’s insanity all the time. But I usually stop short because that’s not going to happen.
This time though, I mean, for a minute: I thought it was going to be different. He made so many promises. I had started believing it a little bit. A few things improved, we finally had a nicer home, and we were going to go pick out my new bike, but he forgot I guess, Saturday we were going to the mall, but I didn’t see him all day, I guess he was busy with Iran.
Lately I’ve noticed that other people are scared of my step-Dad, he’s making everyone uneasy. He’s been borrowing smokes off France and the UK, and they know they’re never getting paid back, and now he wants them to take out pay-day loans and give him the money. It’s insane but when they try to tell him no he kinda loses it, starts screeching at them about how they need to stand on their own two feet and pull their weight… and they better have his money.
I think my step Dad might be on drugs too, like uncle Tiel. I can’t prove it, but he hasn’t been acting normal and he’s really paranoid and thinks everyone is hiding uranium from him. I never know what fresh insanity the day is going to bring or if Uncle Tiel is going to bring over a new plan for sinking all our money into a black-hole data center – it sucks down all the money and generates nothing of value. They threaten me with surveillance and a fat lip for back talking the AI gig. “You think you’re so smart don’t ya? Well, you’ll never ever be as smart as Uncle Tiel and Uncle Elongated-Muskrat! If they say most of humanity needs to die and be replaced by robots and they can’t think of one good thing humans bring to the table as ‘Team Humanity’ – that is a sign of genius, get the fuck out with your duplicity statements! Keep it up and we’ll call ICE and put them in charge of your classroom.” It always goes that way.
I feel like Dad’s actions are putting crazy Aunt Canada and the rest of the countries in danger. If the crops don’t have fertilizer and the tractors don’t have diesel…won’t there be a famine? My step Dad popped me in the mouth for even raising that question, and told me I was weak, told me I wasn’t smart, and I wasn’t savvy, and he didn’t want me around. I don’t know if my aunts and uncles realize how bad this is going to get. Each binge is at least two years, he never goes light on the Middle Eastern wars, but this is the worst yet. The other ones he could kinda hide and justify, but we’re broke and spending money we don’t have, and going into crushing debt. He says I just don’t understand. He yells at me, “we have plenty of money! PLENTY! We’re the most powerful, richest, bestest country on earth. You’re going to get sick of winning!”
This isn’t going to end well. I don’t think he’s making it out of this one.
